One Year

I looked at the date and realized it was exactly one year ago tonight that my life changed with a trip to the ER. That night I had no idea what was wrong, but it was the most scared I have ever been in my life. 

Within days I was diagnosed with Panic Attack Disorder. 

A label.

I had a label attached to me that I thought would never be taken away.

The following days, weeks, and months were just as bad. As I learned to cope with the panic attacks and get on the right medicine for my body I lived in daily fear. 

When was the next one going to happen?

That's when I learned what it really meant to trust. 

Trust in the One who made my body this way.

Nights getting through an attack have been spent with worship music, sleeping on the couch, and episodes of Friends.

I learned to lean more on my family emotionally.

I have had so much support from my family in the last year. My Dad became my lifeline having been through this himself. He had countless phone calls from me during the day and even more past midnight. Tim, bless his heart, didn't know what to do besides rub my back. My dad knew the feelings I was having and the thoughts running through my head and knew just what to say. The attacks have affected me driving in my car, laying in my bed, on the ferry to Victoria, during Thanksgiving dinner, and many more. I had to walk out of church so many times. 

This time have been the darkest in my life and I am beyond grateful to have this behind me. 

One year later I'm ready to throw that label on the ground and walk away.