Back at MOPS in California I met an amazing mom. She is raising a handful of boys 😊 and from the outside she seems so put together. She goes about mommy hood with humor and creativity. Before we moved she was real with me and told me that even though she and her husband and boys had been moved from their previous home for many months (or had it been over a year? I can't remember) but she got teary and told me she still had times of feeling lonely. I was shocked. You? Lonely? You seem so happy all the time!
I like to think that I seem happy to other people. And most days I am. But I have had a couple times recently where I just break down. Today was one of those days and not like last time where it started with my whole cup of coffee being spilled on the carpet by my toddler...
Today I felt lonely.
Not because I can't call a number of people and have a conversation with any one of them. Not that kind of lonely.
I miss the laughter with other moms. I miss sitting across from a girlfriend with a cup of coffee talking about life.
I looked outside this afternoon and saw moms standing together watching their kids at the park across the street. I listened to their kids laughing together. I had been cleaning all day and was in my "comfies", unshowered, and in addition to feeling lonely for mommy friends I began to feel guilty. I should have my girls outside on this gorgeous day. But I didn't want to. And I didn't want to stand by myself while these mommy friends laughed together.
Besides Tim, I have had 3 short conversations with adults face to face in the last three days. Each lasted no more than five minutes (except Celia the 88 year old)
Now I feel like I am complaining and feeling sorry for myself...but I don't. I am so incredibly grateful for all that I have right now and that I have the amazing privilege of being a stay at home mommy and I love my girls more than anything.
I just want to laugh a little with someone every once in awhile...maybe over some coffee that isn't in jeapardy of being spilled by my toddler.
In the meantime my amazing husband is on his way home with ice cream.
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