Babysitting

I have been babysitting to bring in some extra money and we have so much fun with our "extras"! We have Logan on Saturdays and Colton and Avery during the week (and their brother Caden when he has days off school)

Logan will be two in March and he is such an easy going little boy. He loves to play inside and out and loves trucks.

Caden is in kindergarten at a different school than Gracie and loves sports. He will bring his basketball and he and I have challenges of who can make the most baskets. The kid is competitive to a T!

Colton is 4 and goes to preschool three mornings a week. This kid is fun to have around and has the biggest heart. He will sit and do a puzzle and will play baby dolls with Charlotte. Then they will imagine and play where he is Darth Vader and she's Elsa and they battle each other

Avery is almost 5 months old and is just as sweet as she is cute. It's a lot of fun to have a baby in the house again...plus I get to give her back at the end of the day! It's fun to watch her grow and bomb her mom Amber's phone with pictures of her every day while she's missing her at work.

Why Can't Keep up?

I don't know why I have had such a hard time keeping our blog updated.  I fully realize I have slacked.  I have the App on my phone which makes it easier do you would think I would have posts every day! BUT sometimes the post fails to upload and I get frustrated and give up.  Technology and I are not the greatest friends!

Lately I have struggled a little with who I am and acceptance.  If I am being completely honest I still struggle with demons of self worth and being good enough in the eyes of others.  At 33 that sounds pretty darn pathetic.  I don't know why, and it causes me to get my feelings hurt so easily by nothing I have personally done.  For this reason I need to be posting on here more rather than Facebook and Instagram where every post has people liking it.  I find myself basing my self worth on the likes and comments on my stuff.  I find myself comparing to others who get more than I do.  It's dumb I know.

I started this blog for our faraway friends but sometimes it's more therapy for me just to get the words out.

With that said...here goes nothing.  My goal is at least three posts a week. I can do this!

What Do You Do?

It's one of the first things people ask when they meet someone new.

"What do you do?"

I understand that what job you have makes up a good chunk of your day, week, month,  I understand that for many many people their job is their passion and something they went to school for and studied and worked very hard to accomplish.  I had one of those jobs.  As a teacher I was asked that question and my answer was met with respect and praise. Teachers, doctors, firemen, police officers, nurses, they all are respected for what they do and it is part of who they are,  But that isn't everyone.

Tim is leaving the world of car sales.

And we couldn't be happier.

He will be cleaning port a potties.  I'm serious.  At least for awhile anyway.

He is leaving a very fancy job working in a very nice office with a car outside of his door worth almost as much as a house.  But he is trading in his shirt and tie for work boots.

Why?

Car sales is not what many people think it is.  It is a position that has potential to make a lot of money. And work long hours.  And come home after dark every night never eating dinner with your family or putting your kids to bed.  And never being home on weekends and missing every party, barbecue, holiday, etc.

But they are expensive cars, so they make a lot of money right?

Ummmmmm no.  Just a little nugget of side information.  The sales person usually makes a set commission on that car, even if it is nearly a hundred thousand dollar vehicle.  The commission is usually $300.  That's great if you can sell one or two cars at a time all month long but that isn't realistic.  There are slow weeks.  Slow months.

It's just so stressful never being sure of what your paycheck will be.

God gave us a string of events which led to a job application and eventually a job offer.  It doesn't pay a ton, especially starting at the bottom and working his way up.  What we do know is that because I will be babysitting (one of the string of events) it will help us to have what we need each month.  What I also know is that God has always provided everything we need.

"He will never leave you or forsake you." Deut 31:6

What I also know is that Tim will be home for dinner every night and with us every weekend.  What I know is that my girls won't have to go to bed night after night asking "when's Daddy gonna be home?" and I don't have an answer.

What I do know is I am married to a man who is not above cleaning toilets for awhile to support his family.  That, to me, is priceless.

And if anyone asks him "what do you do?" he can respond with:

I attend soccer games.  I come home for dinner.  I go to church with my wife.  I do yard work every weekend,  I tuck my girls in bed every night.

In the middle of the week from 5:30 am to 2:30 I am working hard in the "waste disposal business" if you want to get fancy!

With that said, I am so thankful I am married to a man who is not above cleaning a portable toilet to bring home a paycheck and provide for his family.

Locked

Last night after many nights of Charlotte successfully going to bed in her own room I let her go in mine because she and Gracie were bickering at each other. She had been up there asleep for a couple hours when Tim and I went up to go to bed.

The door was locked.

I used what I could to try to Jimmy the lock....a Bobby pin, a nail. No luck.

After a few minutes of trying I started knocking loudly and saying Charlotte's name to try to wake her. Finally it worked

"Whaaaaaaat!"
"Charlotte honey come open the door."
"I caaaaaaaaant"
"Just come to the door and I will help you."
"What are you even doing in here!"
"I'm trying to go to bed Charlotte"

At this point I have no idea how we will get in because she wasn't moving.

"Come unlock the door and I will get you a cake pop tomorrow."
"I can't do it!"

Just then Tim comes up with a meat thermometer and he puts it in and moves it around and we were in.

Then she was sitting on the other side I'd the door like a brick. In the dark.
I shove her with the door and she gets mad and cries and goes back to sleep and doesn't remember a thing today.

Thankful

I try to live with an attitude of gratitude all the time and not just at Thanksgiving, but November is a good time to think about it even more.

Tonight I was looking through a box of pictures we have and came across this one.

This picture was about 13 years ago. People who haven't known me very long probably don't know what a huge part of my life babysitting was. It started with a babysitting class through the park district and my first job at 12 and took off. I spent nearly every weekend night babysitting and loved it. When I was in college I lived temporarily with Bob, Pam, and her kids Nicholas and Amanda. Between their family and one other family in the span of about five years I went to Cabo, Cancun, Vegas and Kauai twice. This particular picture was a Mexico trip for Thanksgiving.  I went to babysit in the evenings but I was one of the family during the day and was treated so. It was an amazing chapter of my life and to think back on eating a non traditional Thanksgiving dinner overlooking the ocean still makes me smile and be very thankful for the opportunities I was given.

Happy Birthday Auntie

Our Auntie was the light of our lives for our entire childhood. Though she never had kids of her own my brother and I could go spend weekends with her in her awesome little house near San Francisco. We would take walks, take the bus to the toy store and often times a cab back (she never had a license or a car) and she was wonderful. I don't ever recall seeing her upset when we were around. She exuded joy.
We lost her eight years ago next month and I still miss her as much as the day it happened.
Some things will never be the same as it was when she was alive. Like cookie dough. Michael Jackson music. Big plastic horses with cardboard box barns.
Happy 65th birthday Auntie Dearest. We love you

The things Gracie comes up with!

Tonight the girls and I were eating dinner and I took the chance to teach Gracie a life lesson.
"You know your new skirt you love?"
"Yes"
"Unfortunately because you wipe your fingers on your clothes instead of the napkin it got chocolate on the skirt and it won't come out"
"Why?"
"I tried to wash it but it's a stain."
Thinks for about ten seconds.
"Well on TV it says Oxyclean gets stains out..."

Family Fun

Tonight before dinner we had our first game night. We all played Candy Land ...even Charlotte who basically decided where she wanted her player to go. When we were done we got out our new game Portland in a Box. I picked it up at Goodwill for $4 and it's basically Monopoly but Portland style. Hours later we were still playing! It was a great way to spend a rainy evening. The girls were so happy. Spending time as a family is good for all of us!

November

The leaves are officially falling. They've been turning colors for weeks and now they are everywhere. The girls celebrated this with Ella next door by making a big leaf pile from Ellas tree and jumping in it.

We are glad it's November.

Charlotte's Funny Pages

Yesterday when we were driving in the car Charlotte and Gracie were talking about a little boy who rides his bike in the neighborhood. 
"I think he's fandsome" Charlotte says
Gracie agrees with her
"Yeah he's fandsome. Daddy's fandsome too"

One Year

I looked at the date and realized it was exactly one year ago tonight that my life changed with a trip to the ER. That night I had no idea what was wrong, but it was the most scared I have ever been in my life. 

Within days I was diagnosed with Panic Attack Disorder. 

A label.

I had a label attached to me that I thought would never be taken away.

The following days, weeks, and months were just as bad. As I learned to cope with the panic attacks and get on the right medicine for my body I lived in daily fear. 

When was the next one going to happen?

That's when I learned what it really meant to trust. 

Trust in the One who made my body this way.

Nights getting through an attack have been spent with worship music, sleeping on the couch, and episodes of Friends.

I learned to lean more on my family emotionally.

I have had so much support from my family in the last year. My Dad became my lifeline having been through this himself. He had countless phone calls from me during the day and even more past midnight. Tim, bless his heart, didn't know what to do besides rub my back. My dad knew the feelings I was having and the thoughts running through my head and knew just what to say. The attacks have affected me driving in my car, laying in my bed, on the ferry to Victoria, during Thanksgiving dinner, and many more. I had to walk out of church so many times. 

This time have been the darkest in my life and I am beyond grateful to have this behind me. 

One year later I'm ready to throw that label on the ground and walk away. 

Mean Lady at Target

I am totally going to be venting a bit so if you aren't interested then stop reading now ;) 

Blogging is my way of processing my thoughts and getting them out of my head so that I don't think about them anymore. It's why I write and therefore I am not bothered if no one reads! Haha. 

But...here's what happened this morning.

Tim and I stopped at Target for a couple things after church since I would be out of the city at home for the week. As we finished, Charlotte got upset about something and started to have a fit. I put down what I was looking at and knew it was time to go. 

At that time we hear a voice in the next section very loudly say "wow someone needs their butt paddled"

What??!! I was shocked that someone would be so rude.

I pick Charlotte up off the floor and we round the corner where this lady was and   I told her if she was the one that just said that then it was really rude.

She completely denied even though it was the same voice and there was no one else around. She said it was someone else. I said okay and we walked away and she says "not that I don't agree with her though" with an attitude.

I turned around and told her she needed to learn some respect for others.

I can think of 100 other things I could have said but that's not who I am.

I believe what the bible says that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"

I want to think my heart is filled with light and joy therefore I wouldn't say those things. But I was hurt. Mean people suck, and I am not used to people being so outwardly rude like that. It's one thing to be toward me but it was toward my child. 

What she didn't know was that Gracie had a friend over last night and they didn't go to sleep until well after 10 and I ended up putting Charlotte in bed with us and then she tossed and turned all night and she hardly got any sleep. Then she had to be awake at 6:30 to get ready for church. It's not her fault I needed a couple things from Target. A fit was bound to happen. And when it did I got my stuff to leave.

No she didn't know that, she just had to state her hateful opinion. 

I am so happy that I have had so many many many experiences which were the opposite. Fellow moms or older ladies have walked by and quietly said a little encouragement to me as I was experiencing one of those days that was a little more challenging. Encouraging words that build me up. I even had a dad stop once and say something nice "oh I remember those days...don't worry it will get much better. Hang in there" And then gave a sincere smile.

Do we want to build each other up or tear them down? Words hurt. They can't be taken back. 

It was a good reminder to me to watch my tongue because I never ever want to do that to someone else- especially a mom and a sweet little girl who is having a hard morning.

And next time I see a mommy having a hard time I will most certainly stop to encourage her...and maybe buy her a coffee or a couple pounds of chocolate ;)

Neighbors and Friends

Today we had a "severe weather alert" and I had to chuckle when I clicked on it and it was because of "extreme heat" as high as the mid-90s. 

Anyway, I knew it was going to be a bit warmer than we have become accustomed to since moving to the Pacific Northwest. 

This morning the girls rode bikes and it was so fun because Ella came out to play and then I got to borrow her little brother- baby Finn- and all four kids played outside allllll morning, 

Gracie's friend, Eden, was coming over this afternoon for a sleepover so her parents could have a night out. She came equipped with her swim suit and scooter. They were ready for sprinklers outside and went to get Ella. Then the neighbor was outside and said they would bring their niece out but she doesn't have a swim suit. She is almost five so I knew we had something that would fit her and I said come over! Kaitlyn, Ella and Finn's mommy, brought her little pool over and we had sprinklers and a pool. Then I got out some leftover birthday balloons and we made giant water balloons. We sat in the shade and they played and played (with lots of sunscreen!) I couldn't believe how warm it was- and as I watched the kids play- I thought, this is what childhood is all about. Five kids, water, balloons, bikes, and scooters and they were happy. I am so thankful that our house is situated sort of in a central location in the cul de sac and it is becoming a gathering place. Now I just need to stock up on Popsicles, iced tea, and maybe some squirt guns! Looking forward to many more days like this one.

This was RIGHT before she dropped this thing in my lap!

Preschool

Gracie really had a great year of preschool. After the program the other night Tim and I agreed that we really chose a great school. It was the only one we toured last spring, but we both felt like that was where God wanted Gracie. She learned a lot and just as important was that she was able to come out of her shell a little. She earned an Outstanding Student award for finishing all 9 of the extra packets they handed out to work on at home. She made friends, and even though she isn't very vocal about it, she told me she will miss her preschool. Today was her last day and after school they had a little carnival for all the families. When Charlotte and I went to get her from her class she had flowers and said "these are from Michael". Of course I had to get a picture of this sweet little boy who brought our girl flowers. According to his grandma he has had a bit of a crush all year. 

We are grateful for Gracie's teachers, Ms Tina and Ms Carol who have been a great team and exactly what Gracie needed. 

We made them each a mason jar straw cup with some lemonade for the summer and Gracie made the cards

We had a fun last day of school. Kindergarten, here she comes!

Bye Bye Diapers!

I didn't want to be too premature with this...but we are on day three of panties with Charlotte. 

I didn't think this day was going to come, and I thought I would have to throw in the towel and try again after she turns 3 in a few weeks. 

BUT

We had progress.

Day one: this was a little spontaneous since I realized that the girls and I had 4 days we could dedicate to staying home. We got up on Saturday and Charlotte was so excited to put on her panties. I kept it simple- her Elmo potty in the family room with her toys and movies. She went and sat many times but nothing came. Except when she was playing and all the pee came out. All over the floor. Then again when she went to nap- only this time on the carpet. After that she woke up dry and spent many more times on the potty with no action. Then it happened. She sat and peed. Gracie and I were so excited. I think Charlotte was just as surprised. I rewarded her with the only treat I had in the house- rainbow sprinkles. She peed on the potty like 5 more times before bed. That gave me the encouragement I needed. Which is good because she woke me up at 2am because she peed the bed. Well at least days might be diaper free! 

Day 2: Sunday we stayed home from church. She peed in the potty all day, but had a #2 accident. She went to bed last night in panties and woke up dry. 

Day 3: we have a totally trained girl for pee, but I am still waiting for the poop to go in the potty and have bribed her with m&ms  if she does ;) We have a very excited little girl to wear panties and a very excited mommy and daddy who don't have to buy diapers ever again!

The Perfect Day

Gosh this was such a big day! We took Gracie to preschool and did some errands before picking her up. Then we took the girls on a picnic lunch to the Rose Garden at Washington Park. Unfortunately Charlotte was leaning a little too far to smell a rose and fell into the bush. The poor thing looks like she's been attacked by a cat. She was a trooper and when we headed to the other end of the park to go to the zoo the first aid station got her all fixed up. We got to spend the afternoon at the zoo. Afterward we grabbed dinner at Panera and still had an hour before Gracie had to be back at school for her end of the year program and graduation so we stopped to hang out at a nearby park. Then it was time for the main event- preschool graduation. 

We got to watch our big girl on stage with her class while they sang songs together. 

It was a perfect day.

Even though we had to stop at a potty eleven times for Charlotte. Yes, eleven. And she did her business every time! 

I love spending the day with my family like this. I went to bed last night thinking about it and I'm still smiling.

Neighborhood

We are so fortunate to have a sweet family next door with a 3 1/2 year old little girl named Ella and the most adorable baby boy named Finn.  The girls play with Ella so well!  The other day our friends Andrea and Eden came over so Ella joined us and we had four little girls running around the house.  It was a blast!  I see the girls growing up going back and forth between yards and houses.

It brings back memories of my own cul-de-sac and growing up with my best friend across the street.  We have countless memories- and I think most of them are being outside.

Also, another neighbor came over a few nights ago and invited me to join her on a walk in the neighborhood.  I had a great time, so every night since then I have taken Lacie and headed out by myself.  Last night it was so nice to see two teenage boys in the driveway playing basketball and another teenage girl at another house out (happily) doing yard work with her mom.  Every night I have been thankful (but tired!) as I get back that we get to call this neighborhood "home".

Kindergarten Night

I had applied for Gracie to go to a charter school in town, but she is still pretty far down on the waiting list.  The neighborhood school was not my first choice, but at the kindergarten round-up, Tim and I were thoroughly impressed.  They talked to us briefly and then split us into groups.  Our group headed to the school bus for a ride, followed by a walk around the school, ending up near the kindergarten classrooms for the kids to plant seeds with the teachers.  The teachers explained that when the seeds grow and start to bloom it will be time to start kindergarten!  We all had a great time!